The Don Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 With age comes loss. As we grow older those around us are bound to leave us one way or another. In my tenure of membership here at SmackTalks! I have seen many members come and go, as I'm sure we all have. With that realization I thought it only fitting there be a post to eulogize those who are no longer with us. So without further ado, I shall begin.Ladies and gentlemen of SmackTalks!, SmackNetworks and more specifically General Chat; We are gathered here today bid farewell to our fellow members who are no longer with us. Salvatore Vallone was a cranky man. Cranky and misunderstood. At a young age SignificantOther13, as he was known to his admittedly few, friends was diagnosed with a severe case of cancer in his pinky toenail. The moderate discomfort that he suffered though many seconds a day was understandably no hindrance, yet that didn't stop our brave warrior. One day the Make-A-Wish Foundation contacted him asking what his wish would be. Being but a teenager at the time he asked to meet Fred Durst, it was the early aughts after all. After meeting his idol he became increasingly disenchanted with life and turn to the internet as a way to release his pent up rage and frustration. However that would prove ultimately fatal as one day he simply had enough of trying to show why everyone was stupid and how he was always right. In a fit of rage he bought a new pair of nail trimmers and trimmed the offending nail. After the first cut something strange happened.. His vigor and rage faded away and Mr. Vallone was happy. Unable to cope with this new reality he found now other choice but to end his life in the most suitable way possible. After a thirteen day binge of Futurama, Invader Zim and pizza delivery his heart beat it's final beat. He may be gone but will always be remembered by those who knew him. Not only that but he lives on in those who knew him every time that make a hate filled post on the internet. Sal, wherever you are, I hope you are once again miserable.The next of our fellow members who have left us is my dear friend Joe =\. Joe was a unique person who lived each day like it wasn't his last. Joe had a mostly normal childhood growing up. A mother and father who loved him, even if the incestuous act in which he was conceived resulted in him being born with a club foot and cleft lip. Other than that, young Joseph happily frolicked though his younger years in west Philidelphia where he spnt most of his days on the playground chilling out and playing "b-ball". But one day a couple of guys were up to no good and started making trouble in his neighborhood. Now Joey wasn't much of a fighter, no doubt due to his club foot, but one day he got in one little fight with them and his more got scared. After that it was off to live with his aunt and uncle in Bel Air. Upon arrival he learned that they were prissy and bourgeois but yet he manged to catch a cab and once he got there and set eyes on his new kingdom he sat on his throne and hasn't been heard from since. Rumor has it he is currently spending his days listening to all the music Proof from D12 put out while eating sandwiches made on Wonderbread.His friends are hopeful of his eventual reemergence...tokidoim was a bit of an enigma during the time he graced everyone with his presence. His art and cards brought much delight to those know knew him. But know him as they may have, no one truly knew him. With his sudden appearance and even more sudden disappearance many of those who experience him have created a number of theories explaining what they have dubbed "The Tokidoiamana". Some speculate that he was nothing more but a mass outbreak of mental hysteria brought on by some unknown cause while others maintain he was a CIA asset in deep cover using SmackTalks! as a way to report back to his superiors without arising suspicion. Others still claim that he was in truth an alien from a far away galaxy on a quest to see in the Earth had developed the skills coexist peacefully before he and his people reached out to our planet. Whatever the case may be, if you're reading this tokidoim all I have to say is; doi doi, tok toki, oki, oi oi, toki toki.I'd now like to take a moment to memorialize our most recent departure, Jai. Jai, or Jeffery as we all knew him had a childhood who's details are quite inconsequential. But his was a relentlessly self-improving French style bakery owner who immigrated from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. Meanwhile his mother was a fifteen year old Atlanta prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. Jeff's father would womanize, drink and would sometimes even make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Once he even accused chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. Jeffery spent summers in Savannah partaking in dope dealing lessons. If he wast acting up as a child he placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds by Chloe. Though it may sound severe, it was pretty standard for Georgia at the time. At the age of fourteen, a Haitian witch doctor named Mutumbo ritualistically shaved Jeffery's testicles. Between that and the treatment of his mother, Jeffery quickly grew a distrust, almost hatred, of women and thus a preference to spend time with those of the male persuasion. By the time he was sixteen he and a few buddies began selling dope and knocking over small time liquor stores. Wanting more from his life, he befriended a middle aged ex-bank robber and began scoring big heists with him and his mentally unstable "friend". A small game publisher caught wind of his exploits as a youth and modeled a character in their game after him. Catching wind of this he quickly took them to court, settling out of court with an undisclosed cash settlement and copy of the game. Sadly he spent his settlement money unwisely on video games and callboys which tragically resulted in him contracting the HIV virus. He is currently living with his aunt playing wrestling games and trying to ignore the allure of the streets call.Last but not least, I'd like to take a moment to remember my dear friend HeartBreaker. HB, or Ladyhawk as I preferred to call him, was a good man. A respected member of the community and a generally all around good guy. His passions included professional wrestling, Gears of War and bug extermination. What has become of my dear Ladyhawk is a bit of a mystery, speculation is he got married and she became increasingly clingy to the point of throwing his X-Box, computer and cellphone out on the freeway. Realizing he can't afford alimony and a roof over his head on a shoestring McDonald's budget one has to assume he's relegated himself to a humdrum life in the boonies. We're all hopeful for his eventual return.I'd like to thank you all for coming and invite you all to the wake at Aero's house. We have poker in the back and liquor up front, please feel free to share any stories you may have involving those who are gone but not forgotten. Thank you and Me bless. Also, no one get butthurt, this is all in good fun. I'M LOOKING AT YOU JEFF WHENEVER YOU COME BACK!!! Quote
DrJoeyMagnum Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Doesn't HeartBreaker still get on the here from time to time? Quote
RollingRocky300 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I used to do some logos for MechaTronX . He was going to make free tools for editing stuff but he died. Quote
Sunny Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Dammit! Not HB too! :~\ I refuse to believe this! Quote
The Don Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 It hurts to believe Sunny, I know... But it's the only logical explanation. Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website. 1 Quote
Penguin Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen. 1 Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please. Edited June 19, 2015 by TheRealCMPUNKFan Quote
DrJoeyMagnum Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please.He's right though, you've clearly haven't been here long enough to see the dumb posts, have you not seen Mizalike? Quote
Penguin Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Who are you exactly? Get out of here with your condescending attitude.Hello my name is Penguin.It's nice to meet you. Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please.He's right though, you've clearly haven't been here long enough to see the dumb posts, have you not seen Mizalike?I'm not even about to do this shit. All I did was leave my opinion and I get attacked. Go figure. Quote
DrJoeyMagnum Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please.He's right though, you've clearly haven't been here long enough to see the dumb posts, have you not seen Mizalike?I'm not even about to do this shit. All I did was leave my opinion and I get attacked. Go figure.Is attacked what people who can't handle being challenged call it? ok then also I could argue you were attacking Penguin by telling to dropping his attitude Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please.He's right though, you've clearly haven't been here long enough to see the dumb posts, have you not seen Mizalike?I'm not even about to do this shit. All I did was leave my opinion and I get attacked. Go figure.Is attacked what people who can't handle being challenged call it? ok then also I could argue you were attacking Penguin by telling to dropping his attitude Telling someone to drop their attitude isn't attacking in the slightest. If anything, it's used to prevent things from escalating. I'm sorry you and your boyfriend can't handle the fact that people have different opinions than you two. Quote
DrJoeyMagnum Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Now look who's escalating with the ever so mature "your boyfriend" line Quote
Aero Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Lads, if you're calling round, bring whiskey and nuggets! Make sure its a decent whiskey Quote
DrJoeyMagnum Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Lads, if you're calling round, bring whiskey and nuggets! Make sure its a decent whiskeyI'm outside let me in Quote
Aero Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sir, surely its the same down south as it is up here! Wee village = the door only gets locked at night, Mon in tae fuck! Quote
Fozy Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please.Fuck off, cunt. Quote
BrokenDreams23 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 TheRealCMPUNKFan is Jeff in disguise!! Let the fun begin lol. Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 It seems I've stumbled upon DoucheCon 2015. Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This is legitimately the dumbest thing I've ever read on this website.You clearly haven't been here regularly enough if this is the dumbest thing you've seen.Lose the condescending attitude, please.Fuck off, cunt.U wuna fite m8? Frst pirsin 2 finish thare buket uv Nando's winz. Deel? Quote
Fozy Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 More like you've stumbled into a forum thinking you have the right to be a cunt without any repercussions. Extremely laid back forum, but don't fool yourself into your false sense of entitlement. Quote
Ya Boy Punk Fan Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 More like you've stumbled into a forum thinking you have the right to be a cunt without any repercussions. Extremely laid back forum, but don't fool yourself into your false sense of entitlement.Take your irrelevant ass self somewhere else, kid. You aren't worthy of my time, you bottom feeding cunt. Quote
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