Posting Serious News So I Can Make A Joke

[jitz]

I was hoping this would already have something posted so I could simply come along with the punch line, but you're making me do all the work so I'll cut and paste the yahoo! news story.

Austrian admits 24-year abuse of captive daughter

AMSTETTEN, Austria (Reuters) - A 73-year-old Austrian electrical engineer has confessed to holding his daughter captive in a secret, windowless cellar for 24 years and fathering seven children by her, police said on Monday.

The case, centered on a nondescript two-storey building in the small industrial town of Amstetten, bears chilling similarities to that of Austrian Natascha Kampusch who spent eight years locked up in a basement before escaping in 2006.

Some parts of the 60 square meter basement in which the family were kept were no more than 1.70 meters (5 ft 6 in) high and officials said the basement even contained a padded cell.

"This is an appalling crime. I know of no comparable case in Austria," Franz Prucher, head of security for Lower Austria told a news conference.

Elisabeth Fritzl, 42, says her father, Josef Fritzl, lured her into the basement in 1984 and drugged and handcuffed her before imprisoning her.

Three of her children, aged 19, 18 and 5, had been locked up in the basement with her since birth and had never seen sunlight, police said, raising worries about their physical and mental state. The younger two were boys, the eldest a girl.

The victims are receiving medical treatment, said police.

Three other children -- two girls and one boy -- were adopted and brought up by Josef and his wife. Neighbors told police they had never heard the children locked in the cellar.

As well as confessing to locking up his daughter for 24 years and siring the seven children, Fritzl admitted to burning the body of the seventh child in a furnace used to heat the building when it died soon after birth, said Franz Polzer, head of criminal investigations in the state of Lower Austria.

Investigators combed through the cells where the victims had been held captive. Forensic experts in white uniforms and gloves carried out boxes of evidence from the building, which is home to several other families.

AUTHORITARIAN

Fritzl, whom police described as "dynamic, bossy and authoritarian," had hidden the entrance to the cell behind shelves and only he knew the secret code for the reinforced concrete door, said officials.

Photographs showed a narrow passageway leading into other rooms which included a cooking area, with children's drawings on the walls, a sleeping area and a small bathroom with a shower.

The victims' only sources of information from the outside world were a television and radio.

Authorities said there were still many questions hanging over the case, such as the conditions surrounding the births of the children and how those locked in the cellar were provided with food and clothes.

Amstetten, located in rolling hills about 130 km (80 miles) west of Vienna, is a town of about 22,000 people.

The case unfolded when the 19-year-old girl became seriously ill and was taken to hospital, where doctors appealed for her mother to come forward to give details of her medical history.

The girl was suffering cramping fits caused by oxygen deficiency, chief doctor Albert Reiter told journalists, and was currently in a "severe but stable condition" in hospital. The cellar had been fitted with a basic ventilation system.

Fritzl brought Elisabeth and her remaining two children out of the basement, telling his wife their "missing" daughter had chosen to return home, police said.

Elisabeth agreed to make a thorough statement to the police after receiving assurances she would have no further contact with her father, who she said abused her from the age of 11.

SHAME

The case has raised questions about how authorities and neighbors failed to notice anything unusual in the "house of horrors," on a busy street with shops, not least because over the years officials said Fritzl built extensions to the cellar.

"The community of Amstetten should drown in shame ... The neighbors are turning a blind eye," the Oesterreich newspaper wrote in an editorial.

Polzer said Fritzl had led a "double life" for 24 years.

"He deceived us all," he told reporters. "This man, who already had a family with seven children by his wife, had in this cellar seven more children by his own daughter."

Another puzzle is how Josef's wife Rosemarie could have remained ignorant.

Police have said they believe Rosemarie did not know what happened to her daughter when she disappeared in 1984. It was assumed Elisabeth had left voluntarily when her parents received a letter from her saying they should not search for her.

After Elisabeth disappeared, Fritzl said Elisabeth had joined a sect and that she had left the children on the doorstep. He forced Elisabeth to handwrite letters to prove his claims, said the police.

Psychiatrist Max Friedrich, who treated Kampusch, said the children who had been held in the cellar would need trauma therapy and were undergoing tests in hospital, in particular for problems with their eyes and skin due to the lack of daylight.

By contrast, the children raised by their grandparents were integrated into the community, said officials, noting they were members of the police sports club and voluntary fire brigade.

(Additional reporting by Alexandra Zawadil in Vienna and Reuters Television; Writing by Karin Strohecker in Vienna and Madeline Chambers in Berlin)

Fuck, what a miserable life. Cramped conditions, no sunlight, a life of torment and abuse; fuck is this a little town in Austria or the UK!?

YES! Tell all your friends, but before you do, be sure to let me know how hilarious you find me.

[Spectre]

hmmm they blame the neighbors but, what could they have known. but hey it still sucks for them, glad its not me.

[jitz]

Please refrain from serious discussion of the news story, that is not the focus of this topic. I assume CNN or some other news story site has forums for this purpose.

[Big Bizang]

I would've gone with: That's the alternate ending to The Sound of Music.

[Aero]

Bizang's was funnier.... mainly because bizangs was actually funny.

[jitz]

Says Mr "iron maiden is playing in ur garden? thats fucked up", right, you're last person i'm taking humour advice from.

[Aero]

i'm not giving advice, just stating that ur "joke" wasn't funny, which is weird for you, and lets face it, i'm virtually the king of unfunny jokes round here, so i know when something isn't funny.

[RingMaster2001]

We need to let Jitz off with jokes like this, he is well past his prime nowadays.

[jitz]

...did you guys plan this? Like, get together on MSN or something and say "Hey, lets have a laugh at Chris' expense". Good try fellas, good try. Unfortunately Ming fucked up by making his irony far too obvious. Aero, yours was passable.

[Aero]

lmao yeah, because all good plans start with "right, aero, YOU post......"

[Big Bizang]

Hahahahaha. Awesome. In admitting he's not funny Aero has become funny. It's like dividing by zero.