Indulge ME, this time

[Chillalex]

so i read these threads and everyones shit is hitting the fan so I thought id even it out by just letting everyone know my life is actually great at the moment. fact.

but I TOO have an injury I feel compelled to tell you all about!

I was at this party, and im sure everyone was finding me to be the life of the event too, and anyway, I try to open my beer with a bottle opener, both of which I had provided myself. To my disdain I find the bottle top to be stuck, quite readily, to the bottle. I wonder, how do I solve this? With a little bit of friction, so I open it harder, faster, heavier. Unfortunately this was my downfall; my hand slips, the top comes off, and the inside of my swear finger got ripped as it took a rim of glass off the bottle.

"Zut alors!" I cry! My finger is bleeding and I can see the tendon (fact.) so I wrap it up nicely in the bathroom and return to my beer. I notice that there is alot of flesh stuck to the bottle rim, which I promptly pick off and put in my pocket for safekeeping. I drink my beer, which cuts my lips, and people ask me throughout the night what happened to said finger. I took great pleasure in enlightening them, and to my benefit, I was at a party full of Physiotherapist ladies and a paramedic sat next to me!

I was in; heaven.

the next morning I return to my house and now Im awake, and I notice fleshy artifacts dangling from my finger. It hurts though, and I pop downstairs to get a coffee; BREAKFAST CAN WAIT.

I grab the nearest pair of scissors and down a few painkillers, and head up to the bathroom. I try to cut the flesh off but its not working; the scissors are too large. I think to myself, what am I to do? Then im reminded of a christmas present I got this very year; a scalpel set!

I unpack my scalpels and assign blades to said handles, and line them up nicely on the table side in the bathroom. Taking off my spectacles so I can see up close (Short sightedness is a disease) i carefully slice the offending bit of meat off my finger using a duel scalpel technique I invented.

And THAT, is the story of my pre-breakfast surgery I performed on myself. Not as good as the time I had to plier flesh off my ankle, but its getting there.

Oh and as an amusing anecdote I bought KY Jelly today for the first time, it brought me great amusement to get served in Boots. I also bought some chocolate and gave the lass a wink. Bless her.

Thoughts?

[Tychoma]

Pictures?

[scoot]

I notice that there is alot of flesh stuck to the bottle rim, which I promptly pick off and put in my pocket for safekeeping

no seriously, pics??

[Nemo]

pics or it didnt happen.

[Big Bizang]

pics or it didnt happen.

←

[Chillalex]

ILL PULL SOME STRINGS, GAYERS

[Joe =/]

pull your tendons, it would be far more funny. ON CAM.

[Chillalex]

how can i resist?

o yeah. easily. And i cant do pre-breakfast physiotherapy on myself; that shits just gay

[CS]

I broke my tooth in half trying to open a mgd bottle and also gave myself a black eye from trying to do the sandman thing by bashing it on my head till it opens but I already had 8 beers and ended up just knocked off my feet and not being able to see out of my left eye for a while.

Edited February 13, 2007 by CS

[Nemo]

the sandman doesnt bash a beer can against his head until its opened and emptied. he opens the can, pours the beer all over his face and then bashes the EMPTY can against his head, causing it to dent or even fold.

theres nothing much to say about your tooth. hopefully you went out and invested $1 on a bottle opener keychain.

[Niles Jansen The Third]

I broke my tooth in half trying to open a mgd bottle and also gave myself a black eye from trying to do the sandman thing by bashing it on my head till it opens but I already had 8 beers and ended up just knocked off my feet and not being able to see out of my left eye for a while.

lmfao that is retarded

[crunk]

So..... no pics?

[Thom]

So when you go to parties you imitate wrestlers?

[CS]

the sandman doesnt bash a beer can against his head until its opened and emptied. he opens the can, pours the beer all over his face and then bashes the EMPTY can against his head, causing it to dent or even fold.

K nevermind the sandman part, it was Steve-o I saw do it with a full can. But now that I think about it, it was probally better that it was full or I could have ended up cutting the shit out of my eyeball.

[Big Bizang]

Please don't ever breed CS.

[jitz]

I sleep well at night knowing the decision doesn't rest with him.

[Nemo]

...unless hes a rapist in a location where abortion is illegal...

[DRAVEN]

Shit Ur some sick fucker... : read this I almost pissed my pants.. :

[Chillalex]

behold, in all my phones shitty camera quality glory, the scar thats still on my finger (its fucking deep and i shouldnt have picked out the scab on the train i guess.) and the rim of glass that got took off.

Proof - PROVID'D

Edit:

while im here, behold a picture of my boobs.

Edited February 15, 2007 by Chillalex

[Nemo]

looks more like a shitty piercing than a life threatening wound.

huge disappointment.

Edited February 15, 2007 by Slurms MacKenzie

[Chillalex]

it was touch and go for a minute, cunt

i was on deaths door!

[Nemo]

but instead of letting you in, death called the wambulance to come get your ass off his doorstep.

[Chillalex]

yeah see i left it a few hours to think that one over and then decided that it actually was a shit reply. I just had to check.

Much love,

alex

Edited February 16, 2007 by Chillalex

[Nemo]

that reply was no worse than the hyperbole you used to describe what doesnt even appear to be a cut.

[Chillalex]

oh its ON BITCH me and you, 3.30 behind the bike sheds i will fukk u up and cut you deep

deeper than that even!