The Don Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Hi, I'm The Don. Former heroin addict, dope fiend and SmackHound! Today I am here to inform you all of an exciting new opportunity here at SmackTalks! I bring to you Killumantit Kred! Thus exciting new unintangable product will surely be the the hottest thing on the internet since 56k and The Hamster Dance! How do you obtain Killumantit Cred I hear you all asking? It's so easy even a stupid simple basic bitch like Sunny can understand! You all compete in whatever TOTALLY RADICAL COMPETITION I come up with and whoever is declared the victor of the round earns ONE WHOLE KILLUMANTIT KRED! And what do you do with your newly acquired Killumantit Kred?Why you redeem them for awesome prizes such as Joey's anal virginity, a night with Aero's mum, a K-Pop karaoke session with fufu AND MORE GREAT PRIZES! When can you start eating YOUR Killumantit Kred is no doubt what you are all wondering and the answer is NOW! Seeing as this is the launch of Killumantit Kred were going to start the first competition off with a BANG! 500% MORE KILLUMANTIT KRED TO THE VICTOR IF THIS COMPETITION! For the VERY FIRST FIVE KILLUMANTIT KRED will go to whoever can write the best fanfiction involving one member of their choosing, Donald Trump, Sonic The Hedgehog and the corpse of Whitney Houston. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Wait... So we just do whatever you say and get legal ST currency to spend on whatever? I'm in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Don Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 You just want that night with your mum, you sick fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 (edited) Fuck it, I thought of a workaround. You'll have my fan fiction within the next couple of days. Edited July 15, 2017 by HiPcavallo Intent to rip off Fargo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 This is a true story. The events in this fanfiction take place in California in 2012. At the request of the survivors, a name has been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred. On February 9 2012, Whitney Houston took the stage for a final time to perform a rendition of the song "Jesus Loves Me". Her voice had been ravaged by years of drug and alcohol abuse, time had not been kind to the famed musician, but it had not taken her quick enough for the liking of one sick demented fuck. On the other side of town in dodgy alleyway behind a gay nightclub, a "man" by the name of drfireeconomy was waiting to meet with the most important person in Whitney Houston's life, her drug dealer. After months of planning drfireeconomy had finally managed to create a direct line to his favourite pop singer, his intention being to supply the dealer with cocaine laced with enough sedatives to knock out a rhino.. You see, drfireeconomy lusted for Whitney Houston, the kind of lust usually reserved for an hour long booking with Aero's Ma. These feelings of lust felt so strong, so unnatural to poor drfireeconomy, he just had to get these feelings out of his system. He knew what he needed to do, he was determined to insert his penis into Whitney Houston's vagina and start thrusting. But unfortunately for Whitney Houston, drfireeconomy is a necrophiliac! All he needed was a way to knock her out so he could murder her and rape her corpse, sadly for Ms Houston, the dealer took the bait. Phase one was complete. Two days later Whitney Houston met up with her beloved drug dealer inside the car park at her hotel to make what would be her final cocaine purchase. Six minutes later she was absolutely hammered, and being too shitfaced to have any sense, decided it would be a good time to have a bath. drfireeconomy had been waiting patiently in Whitney's hotel closet, keeping himself amused by ripping up old magazines, giving Taylor Swift a beard, and putting Brad Pitt's head on a midget, just because. Once he heard the taps running he knew his moment had arrived, he slowly creeped into the bathroom, waited for Whitney Houston to fall asleep, and then pushed her head down into the water, and just held it there, creaming himself while he watched the life drift out of her. drfireeconomy could barely contain his joy! Phase two was now complete. He desperately wanted to move on to phase three, but the body was still too fresh... So he got KFC for lunch and fucked that instead. drfireeconomy waited nine long days, each one more painful than the last. His moment had finally arrived! He'd just finished digging up her grave, she had decomposed enough to satisfy the sick fuck, now all drfireeconomy needed was a venue. You see, it wasn't enough for him to simply get his dick inside the pop stars corpse, he also needed to cuckhold Jesus! He wanted to make a point that Jesus didn't love Whitney, he just fucked her. And so drfireeconomy took her to the nearest church he could find, and then quite literally fucked her brains out. Unfortunately for him the church priest was having a confessional with Gift of Jericho (who was now scarred for life), and quickly alerted the authorities. Police stormed the place just in time to see drfireeconomy remove his penis from Whitney Houston's corpse, and quickly shot him for no reason, and then subsequently arrested him. drfireeconomy found himself looking at hard time, but in an act of cowardice accepted a plea deal in exchange for a reduced sentence. His mission had been a success, he no longer had unnatural feelings of lust for the living.. But at what cost? To evade prison time he was forced to sell out Whitney's dealer, close associates in the drug trade, some sick fuck named Codes who filmed the encounter with intent to distribute on the internet, and was given only 90 days to turn Alexa Bliss into Rainbow Dash. The End. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrJoeyMagnum Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 You said within a couple of days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 Can't sleep, had to do something to pass the time and doesn't require getting out of bed. Otherwise I probably would've had it done on Wednesday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrJoeyMagnum Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 you're a disgrace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steenalizer Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 The ending was beautiful. An absolute masterpiece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Don Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Steenalizer wins the five Killumantit Kred for apparently reading the story. You have the option of trading in your KK for a thimble fill of fufu's belly button lint or continue saving up for an evening with Auday, wherever he is now... For the next kontest, I will award THREE Killumantit Kred to whoever can rewrite "Blame it on the Rain" by Milli Vanilli with a wrestling twist. GET SINGIN FUCKERS! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I feel robbed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steenalizer Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I felt robbed when I had to read your awful fan fiction. You didn't even include me as a character! >:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrJoeyMagnum Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 You're Daniel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 1 hour ago, Steenalizer said: I felt robbed when I had to read your awful fan fiction. You didn't even include me as a character! >:( You were the KFC mrelectriccity fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steenalizer Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 mrelectricity wouldn't fuck me, I'm not dead enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 You were in my story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steenalizer Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 But you said it was a true story! If it were true then how can I be talking right now?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 After the events of the story, Gift of Jericho performed a satanic ass tasting ritual to resurrect mrelectriccity's "victim". His intention was to resurrect Whitney Houston, but as he failed to specify a name he inadvertently revived you as a fat man instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steenalizer Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Lies and slander. I'd like to use my kred to perma-ban HiP from posting fan fiction and seize all his assets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Defamation. Steenalizer simply can't handle the truth, that he is the reincarnation of a KFC chicken breast that was once fucked, and subsequently eaten by mrelectriccity. He's simply trying to dispute the events of the story to undermine its credibility, so he can hide from his past. I demand 2.5 million dollars in damages, and custody of Penguin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steenalizer Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 You leave Penguin out of this! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Yeah! I'm trying to write a beautiful song about Roman Reigns per Don's instructions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auday Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 On 7/19/2017 at 4:12 PM, The Don said: Auday, wherever he is now... I was suspended by Joey because I hurt his feelings when I asked him to fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPcavallo Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 To be fair you also ruined Mizalike's birthday and then fucked a goat. In either case I'm glad to see you back... Although if you've decided Smacktalks is no longer for you then you're welcome to surrender your account to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auday Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 7 minutes ago, HiPcavallo said: To be fair you also ruined Mizalike's birthday and then fucked a goat. In either case I'm glad to see you back... Although if you've decided Smacktalks is no longer for you then you're welcome to surrender your account to me. What do I get? Keep in mind I have 2061 rep points and 11,828 posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.